Pets and People

Understanding Loss and Grief
All of us need to love and to be loved. Loving animals is an important part of being human As we develop bonds of love and affection we become attached to that one. When we lose one we love, we grieve.
So grief is a normal reaction to the loss of someone or something to which a person is strongly attached. The intensity of grief is dependent on the degree of attachment, the type of relationship, the circumstances of the death, the personality and the social support of the person suffering the loss. (The Centre for Grief Education).
Only you can know what this pet meant to you. If they have been an important part of your life, then it is normal to grieve when they die.
The Human-Animal Bond
We humans have the capacity to engage in many relationships at the same time, including relationships with animals. A strong bond can exist between humans and animals with this relationships bringing joy to both the human and the animal. Animals have a way of loving unconditionally. They are faithful, loyal and often very forgiving of our mistakes and failures.
This bond can be strong for a variety of reasons. You may have had more daily contact with your pet than with people, so their death leaves a hole in your life which needs to be acknowledged. (Barbara Meyers, 2002)

How to know when it is time to say goodbye?
How do you know when it is time for euthanasia?

This decision is the hardest part of owning a pet, our pets and companions have put their trust in us, and we must decide when enough is enough.

I believe there are several important questions to ask yourself.

Is the pet still eating and drinking?
Can the pet walk enough to get up and go to the toilet by itself
Is the pet still happy to see you?
Have you had your pet examined by a vet?

If all reasonable vet care has been given to the pet and there is nothing else you can do to relive the suffering it may then be time to consider euthanasia.

People find this decision very difficult and spend a lot of time agonising about it. Usually as the deterioration in the pets condition happens slowly and there is no clear reason or time to take the pet down the vet. It is always good to talk to your vet about the condition of your pet as there maybe simple solutions to your pets problems. The vets’ job is to help you make this decision and then support you in this decision.

Sometimes economic reasoning must come into the decision making, you could spend a lot more money but this may only extend the life of the pet for a small amount of time. Some people would put themselves into a lot of debt to pay for the treatment of their pets. This always humbles me as a vet that people would go without so much to save their pet. But sometimes people have to be realistic and see that the best solution is euthanasia, this can be quite painful to realise if you had more money you would go ahead with the treatment. This is a difficult decision to make and you must balance the economic reality to the needs of the pet, your pet would not want you to suffer for it sake.

When you know it is time you need to stay focused on that decision and do all the right things to make sure it is a good euthanasia.

By Michael O’Donoghue BVSc
People and pets

http://www.people-and-pets.com

Frequently asked questions
Am I going mad?
If you have regarded you pet as a friend, family member, beloved companion, then it is not unusual to be very distressed at the death or impending death of a pet.
Who can I talk to when he/she dies?
Talk to someone who understands the bond you had and who also loves animals.
When is the right time to euthanize a pet? Your vet will be the best guide when it comes to your pet’s physical condition. You will know the time, also when he or she no longer eats or responds or seeks you attention or is in obvious pain.
What do I tell my children? Children need to be told clearly and simply that the pet has died– that all things are born, live a life and die. Young children can become anxious about going to sleep if you say that the pet was “put to sleep”.
Will my other pets missed the one who has died?
Animals grieve too. Keep routines regular and be patient and attentive to their need for attention and comfort.
When should I get another pet?
It can be best to wait until your emotions have settled, however, some people just want and need another animal to love. Be guided by your needs and the readiness of family members..
Is it OK to feel differently about a new pet? Each animal is different. It is best to try not to compare but allow yourself to discover the unique personality of the new one. Animals have a way of “getting into our heart” if we are patient and give them positive attention.

Ideas for Managing your Grief

Cry when and how you need to– you have lost a special companion. Strong emotions can be part of grief.

Walk or exercise if you are able and try to eat and sleep regularly.

Keep to your normal routine as much as possible as this can provide you some stability and a framework for what seems “out of control”.

Be careful about excess alcohol or
caffeine.

Think of “getting through” this loss rather than “over it” and be gentle with yourself in the meantime.

Children are not too young or too old to grieve and may need support from someone other than yourself.

Talk to people who are supportive and who understand the importance of your companion animal to you.

Allow yourself to take the time you need to get through this.

Don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek counselling, it can help to talk to someone who understands and who will acknowledge your loss.

Currently working as a lecturer and counsellor, I have had broad experience with both adults and children. In previous positions as teacher, in pastoral care and school counselor, much of my work has been in the area of loss and grief. I understand the many dimensions of pet loss, through both professional and personal experience.
I am available for counselling at a number of venues in Brisbane and Caboolture and I am available for home visits when time permits,
I have developed a workbook to assist people in an ongoing way to understand grief, to look at and acknowledge their loss and also find ways to remember their beloved companion.

Pet loss and Grief Counseling

Does Counseling Help When You Have Lost a Pet?

The loss of a pet can be for some people, a devastating and misunderstood experience. It is not unusual, if you are feeling bereft and distressed if you have recently experienced the loss of your pet. Those who have never bonded closely with an animal and experienced their unconditional love can sometimes dismiss your pain and distress. While death is probably the most commonly experienced loss of a pet, other ways of losing a beloved pet, like their disappearance, or having to part with a pet through family circumstances or relocation can also be very distressing.. The normal response to loss, in whatever form it takes, is grief and most people find it helpful and supportive to have their loss acknowledged.

A counselors who understand pet loss, can provide a secure and compassionate environment in which someone can share their distress. Each person’s response to loss is as unique as the relationship that you shared with one you loved deeply and each such relationship needs to be honoured. Most people who are grieving find counseling helpful because they are listened to, respected and they have the opportunity to express not just their pain, but what this loss means to them. Counseling can also help you understand that much of what you are experiencing is normal and the counselor is able to validate your feelings. The process of expressing what you are feeling can help to reduce your emotional pain. Usually, when someone loses one who has had a special place in their life, they want and need to tell someone what made their relationship so special.

A counselor is usually able to help you manage your grief and suggest healthy ways of caring for yourself. An important aspect of grieving is to be kind to yourself. Avoid sharing the loss of your pet with people who will not understand and support you. It can be difficult if others respond to your news with something like: “It is just a dog- get another one.” You relationship with your pet was special and from them you experienced much love and joy. You owe it to yourself and the one you loved to have that valued but others who are willing to honour that relationship and support you on your grief. It can sometimes be easier just to say to those who do not understand that wonderful bond that can exist between people and their pets, that you have recently lost a family member.
Remember that talking with someone who understands can help you find your way through this difficult time.

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